only if we run a train.
done.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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