I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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