He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
