If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
