Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
