I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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