babies were throwing up all over the place
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
