i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
