I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
