Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
