I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
