Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
