His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
