So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
