I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
