I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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