if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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