I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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