The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
