I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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