That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
