Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
mondays should just be called national damage control day
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
