So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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