I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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