sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She is in my trunk
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
