Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
