How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
