Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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