the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
