my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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