We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
