I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
her vagine was all disorganized.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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