Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
