glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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