Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
