literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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