My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
