When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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