Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
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Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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