If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
