the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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