can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
