C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
