Do you still have your period?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
