My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your cock deserves a montage
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize