but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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