My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
