I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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