In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She's JV to your varsity
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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