I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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