There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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