I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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