It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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