I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
