I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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