I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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