i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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