walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
