She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Are we still banned from the library?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i believe in u and ur pee
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
