FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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