You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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