why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
