I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
