you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
