Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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