I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
