I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
