In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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