So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
