if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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