i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
