So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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