But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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