No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
