birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
