"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
