everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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