I met the friendliest cop last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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